what does increased regulation feel like?

Nervous system regulation is a big catch phrase in health and healing these days. It seems like the importance of the nervous system and what it does have now hit the main stream. People know being "stressed out" (a nervous system imbalance) can have a lot of downstream health and wellness effects. Even my 7-year old son is learning about it in his second grade class (hooray for strides in public education!).

But it occurred to me recently, if you have never really had a regulated nervous system, how would you know what it felt like? You might expect to feel less anxious, less on edge, or less depressed. But what would come in their place? Is it peace, contentment, joy? What does regulation feel like?

Over the course of several years, I have taken a deep dive into the nervous system regulation world, learning a lot of different techniques to establish nervous system regulation (mostly to get out of Lyme disease symptoms but also to learn new ways to help my clients). Upon my research on ways to do this, I came across a somatic therapy called Transforming Touch®.

Transforming Touch® is a regulation based therapy that uses presence, touch, and connection to heal ruptures from early childhood experiences. Since the nervous system is formed in early childhood, this modality heals the nervous system on foundational levels. I was drawn to it. I had very little idea about how and why it worked, but I trusted and dove into the training.

I completed online lectures and then showed up for our first 3-day online intensive training. Wow! Talk about a subtle technique. It seemed like nothing was happening on the outside. If I was a fly on the wall, I probably would have dozed off completely. The sessions consisted of other practitioners being very present with the "client" while at the same time focusing on certain parts of the nervous system (for instance the adrenal glands or brainstem) for long, extended amounts of time. By the end of day one, I felt like I had been in a 5-day meditation retreat. I was really zenned out.

But it was day 2 that really blew me away. I was receiving that day. I remember sitting in my chair, eyes closed, feeling quite relaxed. My practitioner was saying where she was focusing and also assuring me she was with me. I stayed and stayed, a bit in and out of consciousness. Then at a certain point my practitioner said, "I'm right here with you Katy." This might sound really crazy, but I felt a part of me emerge out of a safe cave I usually hang out deep within myself and "met" her. It is so hard to describe, but I felt safe enough to emerge from that deep internal world of mine and be seen and met by another.

Holy cow! That blew me away. I hadn't even realized that I did that. I always had done that. Living in my own internal world was how I survived. In that moment, I got the experience of being safe with another and not having to retreat far into myself.

Later that night, I felt completely different. I was hanging out with my son, and I was having fun! I didn't have the urge to look at news or read or any other things that allow me to be with myself. I was really enjoying being present with him without this constant nagging feeling I needed to retreat. We listened to music, and it was like I had never heard music before in my life. I was really "there" with the music. I was really "there" with him. And I was really "there" with me. I had never had that experience before. 

To be clear, this wasn't like the after effects of a meditation retreat. Meditation retreats always brought peace and presence, but they did not (at least for me) evoke a desire in myself of wanting to connect deeply with others. This did. It was one of the most profound shifts I have ever felt in my life. The after effects stayed with me. I felt way more comfortable with others and comfortable in unfamiliar situations. Environments and situations I usually avoided for fear of overwhelm, I opened to.

It, of course, wasn't a miracle cure for my nervous system dysregulation, that has taken time and consistently to heal. But in that experience I had gotten my first real somatic experience of what regulation feels like. It wasn't just peace, or contentment, though it was those things. It was a willingness to be fully present to my life without retreating from it or trying to control it. What an amazing gift! 

This is my attempt to share an experience of what nervous system regulation felt like for me. It is hard because it is very nuanced and has quite a bit of subtlety to it, but I hope you got a sense of how profound it was for me and how different it was from anything I had ever know.

If there is one thing I would want to share with others on this path of discovery with nervous system regulation it is be open. No matter how old you are, you can still learn new ways of being in this world. I'm 46 and feel like a new way of being is just emerging for me. I wish that for you as well 🧡.

Until next time,
Katy

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