Season's Greetings Friends!

I was recently reflecting on why people come in for sessions. It is actually uncanny that so many people have the same intention (or some variation of it). So what is the number one reason people come in to see me? Drum roll please...............

It is PEACE 🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️.

This followed closely by getting out of pain! But overwhelmingly I hear  again and again. "I just want to feel peace."

What exactly is that? Well, I've come to understand it in this context as a feeling sense that no matter what happens on the outside, there is an inner knowing that everything is ok. There is a settling within that allows for a unique engagement with the present moment. There is a confidence that no matter what worries or concerns arise, this alignment with an inner core won't be thrown off (or at least thrown off for long).

It sounds simple and yet it can feel very far away if that is not your experience. Especially if you have been dealing with physical and/or mental imbalances for a long time, peace can feel so illusive. It's easy to get into mental chatter saying if I only had this or that and this, then I could be peaceful. Or if I was just more of this and a little less of that, then I could be peaceful.

But the truth is, no matter how you are right now, peace is available to you. The most potent and impactful way that I have discovered to create a foundation of internal peace is to (for lack of better words) "stay with yourself." Those are the words that most closely describe what I mean.

Others may say, "You just need to love yourself." But I have found in the moments when we are going through it and tested, loving yourself is just too vague to be too useful in the moment. However, if you are willing to stay with yourself, you may be able to shift self-blame/shame patterns in that moment. If you get in the habit of doing this, you will begin to create new neural pathways that support self-kindness, which is one of the foundational pieces of peace. 

A mantra I often share with clients is to say internally or out loud "I'm here with you." When you are in moments of struggle, whether physically or mentally, this mantra can be helpful to not abandon yourself or turn on yourself. Self blame/shame patterns can be very insidious, but when you begin to recognize them and can access a part of yourself that can "stay with yourself" shifts can and do happen. If there is a part of you that recognizes and can hold that part who is suffering, this can be a powerful first step to living more peacefully.

So when you don't send out those Christmas cards this year and the guilt starts creeping in, "I'm here with you." When you leave the office Christmas party, even though you really should be there, "I'm here with you." When you feel the edges of loneliness creep in because, well sometimes the holidays stink, "I'm here with you."

I hope something in these words have touched you. If you are looking for a little more inspiration (and possibly a great Xmas gift!) Kristin Neff has written a book called "The Power of Being Kind to Yourself." It is a great holiday read.

As we close out the year, I wanted to express my deepest gratitude. It has been a joy for me to serve and connect with all of you. I'm already excited for the new year and some new offerings I'll be sharing soon!

Until next time, wishing you peace and joy,

Katy 

Over the course of several years, I have taken a deep dive into the nervous system regulation world, learning a lot of different techniques to establish nervous system regulation (mostly to get out of Lyme disease symptoms but also to learn new ways to help my clients). Upon my research on ways to do this, I came across a somatic therapy called Transforming Touch®.

Transforming Touch® is a regulation based therapy that uses presence, touch, and connection to heal ruptures from early childhood experiences. Since the nervous system is formed in early childhood, this modality heals the nervous system on foundational levels. I was drawn to it. I had very little idea about how and why it worked, but I trusted and dove into the training.

I completed online lectures and then showed up for our first 3-day online intensive training. Wow! Talk about a subtle technique. It seemed like nothing was happening on the outside. If I was a fly on the wall, I probably would have dozed off completely. The sessions consisted of other practitioners being very present with the "client" while at the same time focusing on certain parts of the nervous system (for instance the adrenal glands or brainstem) for long, extended amounts of time. By the end of day one, I felt like I had been in a 5-day meditation retreat. I was really zenned out.

But it was day 2 that really blew me away. I was receiving that day. I remember sitting in my chair, eyes closed, feeling quite relaxed. My practitioner was saying where she was focusing and also assuring me she was with me. I stayed and stayed, a bit in and out of consciousness. Then at a certain point my practitioner said, "I'm right here with you Katy." This might sound really crazy, but I felt a part of me emerge out of a safe cave I usually hang out deep within myself and "met" her. It is so hard to describe, but I felt safe enough to emerge from that deep internal world of mine and be seen and met by another.

Holy cow! That blew me away. I hadn't even realized that I did that. I always had done that. Living in my own internal world was how I survived. In that moment, I got the experience of being safe with another and not having to retreat far into myself.

Later that night, I felt completely different. I was hanging out with my son, and I was having fun! I didn't have the urge to look at news or read or any other things that allow me to be with myself. I was really enjoying being present with him without this constant nagging feeling I needed to retreat. We listened to music, and it was like I had never heard music before in my life. I was really "there" with the music. I was really "there" with him. And I was really "there" with me. I had never had that experience before. 

To be clear, this wasn't like the after effects of a meditation retreat. Meditation retreats always brought peace and presence, but they did not (at least for me) evoke a desire in myself of wanting to connect deeply with others. This did. It was one of the most profound shifts I have ever felt in my life. The after effects stayed with me. I felt way more comfortable with others and comfortable in unfamiliar situations. Environments and situations I usually avoided for fear of overwhelm, I opened to.

It, of course, wasn't a miracle cure for my nervous system dysregulation, that has taken time and consistently to heal. But in that experience I had gotten my first real somatic experience of what regulation feels like. It wasn't just peace, or contentment, though it was those things. It was a willingness to be fully present to my life without retreating from it or trying to control it. What an amazing gift! 

This is my attempt to share an experience of what nervous system regulation felt like for me. It is hard because it is very nuanced and has quite a bit of subtlety to it, but I hope you got a sense of how profound it was for me and how different it was from anything I had ever know.

If there is one thing I would want to share with others on this path of discovery with nervous system regulation it is be open. No matter how old you are, you can still learn new ways of being in this world. I'm 46 and feel like a new way of being is just emerging for me. I wish that for you as well 🧡.

Until next time,
Katy

We're going fast. I can tell because sometimes I move a bit as we go around curves and I hear the siren come on. I know that means people should get out of our way. I know that also means something about me, but that isn't the most pressing thought in my head. Isaac needs to be picked up at noon from preschool. I'm supposed to be there and I know I won't.

For the majority of our twenty minute ride together, I try to say this to the woman attending to me in the ambulance. I can see she has kind eyes and wants to understand, but can't. And for some unknown reason, I can not talk, that is the reason I am here. Words are in my head and I know what I want to say. But they feel like they are going through molasses and by the time my mouth opens, I can't form them in any coherent way.

Several hours later after running through almost all the tests I could possibly do, I am released with a message to talk with my doctor. This poses a significant challenge because I still can't talk. I do by now have advocates and can communicate via text. But it is frustrating to be released with the message that there is nothing more they can do for me.

Will I ever be able to talk again? Is there something really wrong? Am I dying? All these thoughts, the ones that were in the back of my mind in the ambulance, rise to the surface. I am terrified.

The next few days are spent in bed. I try to think logically about next steps, but everything is so foggy in my head. My whole body feels garbled, every cell. Words do begin to come out again, but they are garbled too. They are hard to form and some sounds I simply can't make. It is hard to find the motivation to think digging out of this hole is worth it.

But then that pressing voice that was with me in the ambulance comes back. I need to get up and feed Isaac. He needs to get dressed and off to school. It's funny to me looking back that this practical part of me was the string I hung onto to inch my way through the really tough moments. There was very little sentimentality in it all. It was just I had things to do that wouldn't stop because I had.

So I got up. I started searching for something, anything that would make me better. The antibiotics sure as heck weren't it. Lyme Disease. Google had pages and pages of posts on it. The first sites were from reputable medical sites, but the medical system had failed me thus far so I continued to scroll.

My search led to a ton of research on alternative ways to heal Lyme Disease. Since I had nothing to lose and a lot to gain, I tried many. I drank A LOT of celery juice. I took a ton of herbs, I took Epsom salt baths and dry brushed myself silly.

I finally landed on a supplement formula that over time did help me. My symptoms slowly began to dissipate, but my anxiety did not. If I skipped even 1 of the 40 or so supplements I took a day, symptoms would start to come back. I reasoned that even if I had to go the rest of my life taking all these supplements, at least I was alive and functional.

But there was something in my heart that felt like there was more to my healing journey. I felt better, but I did not feel healed. I didn't feel that transformation that almost always accompanies dark nights of the soul. I was still in a lot of fear. I felt better, but I was scared I would go back to that dark place.

I knew there was something more. After more research I came across brain retraining programs. These programs are aimed at healing chronic illness by regulating the stress response in the body. I was very aware the stress response was bad, but could it really contribute that much to an illness like I had? The resounding answer, which I discovered over the course of a year, was YES!

I committed myself to the practice. While not difficult, it took consistent effort, showing up an hour a day and being very aware my whole day to notice if I was triggered in a fight, flight, or freeze response. At first it was tiring, but I began to notice differences within a couple of weeks. One of the very first "different" emotions I felt was empowerment. This whole journey of being very ill, I felt as if my body went rogue and all I could do was try and calm it the best I could. In these first few weeks, it donned on me that I had way more power than I thought I ever could.

In addition to these brain retraining techniques, I began to receive and train in a somatic therapy modality called Transforming Touch™. It totally rocked my world. This technique is designed to heal the nervous system on foundational levels. It is aimed at healing developmental trauma, the trauma that occurs early in life, from in utero to the age of 5. This is when our nervous system is formed.

This practice opened me to a deep sense of peace and a calm that I had not known before. I realized I had never had this sense of regulation. I had been peaceful and calm, but it always felt like I was on a tight rope, constantly trying to stay in that zone. I had to do a lot of meditation and yoga to be there and when I got into situations that were stressful or overwhelming, my calm was quickly replaced by anxiety or irritation. This feeling was different. I felt grounded, peaceful, and able to metabolize whatever came at me without getting worked up. This isn't to say I never got worked up, but I noticed that and was able to get back to my balanced place a whole lot quicker.

After about three months, I began to notice symptoms significantly dissipating, even without taking supplements. I had more energy. I could eat way more foods without feeling sick. The constant neuropathy was gone. This was amazing, but the most significant of all the benefits was I was free of the constant anxiety. I had been walking through my days in a constant state of fear. If I eat this, will I be ok tomorrow? If I go for this walk, will I be able to get up in the morning? I developed a confidence in my wellness and myself.

Today I often feel a spontaneous sense of joy. I feel a gratitude for life. I notice the precious moments more readily and am often more drawn to positive influences, rather than negative ones (uh-hum---the news!). This whole journey has not only transformed me physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I am more compassionate and loving towards myself. It is just plain easier to be me. Looking back, I can honestly say it was all worth it. I'm truly grateful I have gone through this and I hope my story inspires others to know  that there is another side.

Until next time...be well!

Today I wanted to introduce a practice that can shift your focus quickly from what isn't working to what is working. As a baseline for where you are now, think of what you are drawn to when you wake up in the morning. If you are most aware of your aches, pains, worries, and all the stuff that needs to get done, you are not alone. It is in our biology to focus on what is wrong. This is called the negative bias. Our DNA is programmed to search for what is wrong. In the old (old, old, old!) days, this is what would keep us alive from being eaten.

The negative bias can serve us, but it can also feed a habitual pattern that focuses on what is wrong. Without a balance of recognizing what is supportive, comforting, and functional, we get a skewed perspective and we can also unconsciously trigger a stress response that can in itself lead to increased physical and mental symptoms. This skewed perspective goes beyond just our physical body. We begin to focus on what isn't working way more frequently than what is, which eventually brings on stress, depression, anxiety, and a feeling of just not enough.

So here is a quick somatic exercise to shift your focus to what isn't working to what is:

Sit quiety and take a few breaths. Feel your feet on the ground and the breath entering your lungs. Take a moment to gently scan your body from head to toe. Just noticing any sensations, impressions, or awarenesses that arise. Now take a moment to identify a part or parts of your body that feel comfortable, at ease, natural, connected or if none of those apply, maybe just simple neutral. (Neutral means it doesn't feel necessarily good or bad). Take a few moments to stay in that spot with your awareness. What do you notice with your body and breath after having taken a few moments to be in that space? Chances are you feel different.

This practice can take a while to cultivate. It may feel incredibly foreign to bring your attention to these places. But if you are working with any mental and/or physical manifestation of dis-ease, this can often be a first powerful step to healing on a somatic level.

When I first started practicing this, I actually got really frustrated. There was a big part of me that just wanted to hang out in the places that weren't well. I was almost afraid if I didn't focus on what was wrong, it would get even worse than it was. The sense was I had to keep a constant pulse on my dis-ease so it wouldn't get out of control. But after practicing this, I realized by focusing on the places that didn't feel good, I wasn't necessarily transforming them or even keeping them in check. I was just giving them more energy.

When done consistently, you may begin to naturally focus on places of support and ease in yourself. This can translate as recognizing those things in your life that are supportive and positive in your life.

There are other steps in this process, which I will go into in posts to come, but for now, give this a go. And remember, it isn't easy. Having resistance to this is completely natural. If you need assistance recognizing these places or connecting with your body in general, reach out. I've been there, done that and have a lot to share on the topic 🦋.

Until next time, may you appreciate the simple things; a walk on the beach, a held hand, a warm cup of tea.

In gratitude,

Katy

Today, I want to talk about information. Specifically for those of you dealing with a health thing (and who of us is not?!?), what information is helpful and what isn't? Maybe you have your go-to websites or practitioners or doctors. Or maybe you feel lost and don't really know how to get the information that will help you on your healing path. Either boat you are in, you still need some reliable way to wade through it all.

How? Stop and listen. Not to any outside source, but simply to yourself. I know it can be challenging if you feel lost and maybe disconnected from a body that isn't doing what you would like it to do, but it is the most reliable way to navigate the healing journey. The pathway to your healing, even if you have the exact same issue as someone else, can and probably will look totally different.

Tuning in is your superpower. No matter what you've got going, the very best thing you can do before you pick up your phone is stop and listen. You could save yourself a lot of time, energy, worry, and money by just simply stopping and paying attention to your inner signs.

If you need a little help doing this. Try this:

1. Take a few moments to sit quietly.

2. Notice what you are feeling in your body. Is your breathing easy or labored. Do parts of your body feel light? Do other parts feel heavy? Just note (no judgements here).

3. Hold a question in your heart and mind. It could simply be, "What is the best thing to do for myself right now?" or "Please send me guidance on how to go from here." or it may be more specific such as, "Will this practitioner be supportive to my healing?"

4. Then wait and see how your body responds. You may get the word "rest" in your mind and you take an exhale. You may call someone into your mind and your muscles begin to tense (usually a sign to hold off).

5. You may get nothing at all. If that is the case, just keep asking and wait. Don't force an answer. Life has it's own timing and way. If this happens, change things up. Watch netflix, take a walk, clean a cabinet in your house.

Give this a try. And remember, you are in the driver's seat. Information is a tool for you, but shouldn't rule you. Taking time and space could give you the best information you need to go forward on your healing journey!

If you are one of the many dealing with a chronic health condition (pssssst: anxiety and depression count too), self-care is a must. But it can be so confusing, not to mention time and energy consuming to know what to do, when to do it, and why. The things that are meant to be making you feel better can actually cause you a ton of stress (not what we want with chronic illness)! I have thought about this a lot and realized something big is missing in the self-care culture...the HOW.

In the mad rush to self-care ourselves to health, we have missed a or possibly the most important part- intention. In most instances I see people bound and determined to diligently practice their self-care. They are doing everything "right," but can still be dragging, or if not dragging, resentful because half of the day is spent trying to fit everything in.
 
Think of when you were sick as a child and someone cared for you. Or if that didn't happen for you, you can think of when you cared for someone who was sick (maybe a spouse of a child). Do you remember the feeling of receiving or giving that care? There was something extra besides just offering tea or medicine. It was presence, concern, a response to what was needed in that exact moment- maybe an extra pillow, tissues, a rub on the back.

In our best intentions to do self-care we are missing this. It has become another thing on the "to-do" list rather than a genuine living breathing intention of care. So how can you make self-care more alive?


3 Simple Ways to Bring New Life Back to Your Self-Care:

1. Try incorporating a self-compassion meditation into your daily routine. This type of meditation is called Metta. In traditional Metta meditation, you first offer well wishes to yourself, then you expand out to offer these wishes to loved ones, and then expand out to offer these wishes to all beings. But for the purpose of bringing care back into your self-care practice, I encourage you to just do the first part, offering yourself well wishes.

To do the self-compassion meditation:
Sit comfortably. Bring your attention to your heart center. You may say out loud or silently:

"May I be happy. May I be peaceful. May I be well. May I be free."

Feel that energy permeate your heart and whole being. It only needs to be about 5 minutes. Try this consistently for a week and see if your self-care feels a bit different.

2. Consider creating a mantra for your self-care that you can say before you do it. It may be something simple like, "I offer this to myself in loving care." Or it may be specific to the practice, "Shakes bring yum to my tum!" Just make a point to bring a loving intention to it.

3. Mix it up. Self-care can get really boring- and not just for your mind. Your body and spirit can get tired of the same old, same old. You need to keep things fresh so that inspiring life energy can be in on the process. It is this energy that heals. If you are taking supplements that don't seem to be doing too much, switch it up. Find a new place to walk for your daily exercise. It doesn't have to be a complete re-haul, in fact it probably shouldn't be considering healing takes time. You just have to freshen it up. Think more along the lines of getting a new mousse for your hair rather than a mohawk!

I hope something in these words inspired you. Please reach out if you have any questions about this or need any other ideas (I've got a ton!)

Until next time.

Katy